Lana - Entry 42

My head is killing me and I think my stomach hates me. I just want to lie down and close my eyes for a bit but Lilith has kept me moving. I think she’s saved my life. If my head would just stop pounding for a moment I’ll be able to tell the story.

 Last night Lilith and I stopped by a tavern on the side of the road to get dinner. It was so warm and cozy. I wish I were there now enjoying the fire and good food; this time around though I’d pass on the strong ale. There were a couple of older boys there. As soon as Lilith and I walked in we immediately caught their attention. They sent over a round of strong dark ale, which we accepted. I’d never had ale before, or any alcohol for that matter, but Lilith didn’t bat an eyelash as she took her first sip. I didn’t want to say anything so I just took a sip as well. It wasn’t too bad, a little strange, but not bad. It had bubbles, which I knew but they felt odd in my mouth. It was thick with a little hint of chocolate. After a bit the boys worked up enough courage to come over. They seemed very friendly, and very curious about the two of us traveling alone. But not in a bad, creepy way that suggested they meant us harm, just in a curious, friendly way. I liked their company and even Lilith was being almost friendly. I’ve never been with a bunch of people before like that. I mean I had fun at the festival with Sal and there were a lot of people around but it was still just Sal and I. I’m not sure if that make sense but being in a group is different. Multiple people all talking to you and each other all at once. It’s not like with just two people where you wait for your turn to talk. Multiple conversations all going at the same time, one person next to you is talking about their summer work in the fields, another person next to you is gossiping about this person kissing that person, then suddenly those two people have completely changed the subject and are talking to each other about the time they almost drowned in the river together. My head was spinning and I had no idea how they could keep it up. All I know is that whenever my glass got low someone would fill it again. My head started spinning faster and it wasn’t just from the conversation. I should have stopped drinking then but people started singing, someone in the place had a fiddle and others were making music with whatever was on hand. One of the boys grabbed my hands and we started dancing. I’ve never danced with anyone before! It was so much fun. I don’t think there were any official steps to the dance, he just swept me across the floor and spun me all over the place. Oh, I could live in that night forever! I’ve never felt so alive. The dancing just made me thirsty and so I just kept drinking. I’m not sure what I remember last.

The room was quite, a few people talking at tables but the music was over, Lilith had my arm and was shaking it.  She was telling me we had to go, that if we weren’t careful we’d stay there too long. I was so warm and comfy I didn’t want to move. But she shook me harder. I opened my eyes to find her angry face staring down at me. I was on a bench, against the wall, with one of the boy’s arms draped across my shoulders. She pulled me to my feet and pushed me to the door. As soon as the cold air hit my face I threw up all over my shoes. The world was spinning and I was cold. I just wanted to crawl back inside and lay down but Lilith made me walk. We walked on and off throughout the night. Lilith would let me rest for a few minutes but wouldn’t let me sleep. She said she was afraid she’d never be able to get me moving again. Finally at dawn, when I think most of the effects of the ale had worn off, but my head splitting open from the inside out, she let me lie down and sleep for several hours.

Lilith is still angry with me for getting drunk but it didn’t stop her from saving my life. How foolish am I! I almost got everyone there killed. What if she hadn’t have been there and I had passed out. How many people would have died because of me? The whole place would have been destroyed. It might have been the most fun I’ve had in my life but if the price is hurting people its not worth it. I can feel the warm tears start to fall down my cheeks as I write this; I’m so ashamed of myself. How could I have been so careless? So reckless with the lives of others. I will never, ever let it happen again. I am so thankful for Lilith, she saved everyone. I’m so sorry.