Well, it’s been awhile but I’m sure I don’t need to point out the obvious to you. It’s not that I haven’t had anything to say. In fact, I have some really exciting news…. I’M A MOM!!
Eleanor, my beautiful baby girl was born in March. And in retrospect I’m really sad that I didn’t write about the whole process. WOW what a trip its been! I have learned so much. I’m not quite sure where to begin – trying to process the strange notion that you have another human inside of you, watching your body change in ways you never would have thought possible, when the contractions start the realization that you’re just going to have to grin and bear it until the epidural arrives, to meeting your new little human for the first time. It’s been almost three months since she’s was born and looking back it has all just slipped by so fast – probably in part due to the fact that for the first month she only slept for 1 to 3 hours at a time and it all seemed like one really long day. Which reminds me… I have a bone to pick with everyone that offered me advice when I was pregnant. They all said “sleep now while you can” or “once she’s born sleep when she sleeps”. My mental response to this was “No problem! I did grad school. I know how to go with out sleep.” Well, what they all failed to mention is that IT DOES NOT STOP. What I mean is, during grad school you might need to pull a couple of all nighters but at one point you can crash. And you can crash free and clear of any sense of continued responsibility (for the most part) – you had done what you needed to do. With a little one your job is never done. You’re not free and clear and I don’t think as a parent I ever will be again. This might be the biggest mental shift I’ve had to go through. As a woman that is having her first child later in life, I’m so use to being responsible for only myself. My life has been about me. That’s just a fact. Sure, I have friends and family that need me from time to time but I am not responsible for them. There is a small sense of loss that comes with knowing I will never be unburdened again in that way. But with this tiny sense of loss has come a huge sense of overwhelming love and I have never felt so fulfilled before. She has brought so much joy into my life. Eleanor is magical.
I have fallen in love with this little girl.