Lana - Entry 32

Well, Lilith is still tagging along. After our first encounter she stayed with me all the way out of town and until I stopped to rest. When I got up to move again I thought she would stay there or go her own way but she asked if she could travel with me for a little longer. I know that I should have said no. I didn’t know a thing about this person except she was quite, seemed a little sad and was in trouble. Maybe I felt bad for her because that’s how I felt. What a downtrodden pair we make! Anyway, I said yes.

She still hasn’t told me why she’s in trouble, which is fine because I haven’t told her about mine. There’s not much I can talk to her about. I can’t mention Madeline or my life with her because then she might ask questions about why I left. I can’t tell her about Sal because she might ask questions about him. We did manage to strike up a bit of a conversation though. I told her about the amazing and unbelievable things I saw at the fall festival and she talked to me about history and the places that came before that no longer existed. She’s knows so much! It’s fascinating.

Lana - Entry 31

The most peculiar thing happened to me today, I met someone, a girl. And its not that I met a girl that’s peculiar, its how I met her. See, she was walking quickly through the streets of a town, the hood of her jacket was pulled low over her bent head but her dark eyes were darting back and forth. I wasn’t sure if she was in trouble or if she was up to something. My curiosity was killing me so I just had to follow her… I know I know, I bring trouble on myself. But I had just been so bored and lonely. I would never admit this out loud but I miss Sal, or at least I miss the person he was pretending to be. It was nice having a friend, someone to talk to, instead of passing the day alone. So, yeah, I followed her knowing that I shouldn’t. But can you blame me?

As I follow her I noticed that I wasn’t the only one. Two tall thin men seemed also to be on her trail. Now how fair is that? Two grown men going after one small girl. Instantly, I decided I was going to help her. I took off running.

The plan was to go one street over and get in front of her, that way when she reached the next corner I would be there. She was far enough in front of the two men that if I called to her and got her to turn the corner we would have a few moments to exchange jackets, her to hide and for me to get a little further down the road. We had about the same frame, although I am a bit bigger, her hair was raven black where mine is sandy river bottom brown but with the hood that shouldn’t matter. That was the plan and I must admit, I’m brilliant! It worked perfectly. Although, I think I scared her a bit when I whisper/yelled at her from around the corner. But she caught on quickly when she saw that I was offering her my jacket.

I allowed the two men to catch up to me and I felt strong fingers dig into my shoulder. I spun around and two yellow eyes were staring at me. Fear leapt up in my belly while looking into those eyes, he scared me. But as soon as he saw my face he simply let me go and they walked away. I waited for a bit to make sure that they were gone before returning to where the girl was hiding.

She didn’t say anything at first, so I just handed her back her jacket and she mine, then I turned to walk away. It took her a moment but eventually she jogged to catch up to me. She thanked me and I told her she was welcome. She looked absolutely perplexed at me and asked if I wasn’t going to ask her why they were following her. I told her ‘no’, that it was none of my business. She seemed extremely satisfied with that and she asked if she could walk with me for a bit, that they wouldn’t be looking for two girls. I said yes and we walked out of town. She’s still with me and doesn’t really seem in a hurry to leave either. We don’t talk that much but I did find out her name was Lilith.

Don’t worry, I have more than learned my lesson. I don’t trust anyone and I am not telling Lilith anything.

 

Lana - Entry 30

Since Abel, life has been a little better. I think I even smiled yesterday. His little bit of kindness has changed my world. I wish I could tell him. I wish I could tell him that he might have saved my life, for now anyway, for whatever that is worth. I’m starting to think he was an angel. I read once, I’m not sure where, that you should treat everyone with kindness because you never know when you will be talking to an angel, since they walk amongst us. At the time I thought it had been a pretty sentiment but now I know that its true.

I’m back on track and heading to Meraview.

Lana - Entry 29

I have a little food and a little money again! And I didn’t even steal it…well, ok I tried but it turns out that I’m not a very talented thief.

It was market day when I arrived at a small village and I thought I was in luck. I passed rows of vendors selling tons of different vegetables. If I hadn’t had been on my own personal mission and distracted by the emptiness in my belly I think I would have found the place pleasant. I had decided I was going to steal the most filling food possible and a huge pile of golden potatoes caught my eye. (I had previously tried sneaking into the fields to rob them directly but I was too late, everything had already been harvested.) I made my way to the potatoes as casually as possible but I couldn’t help looking around to see if anyone had noticed me. I was getting close. I could almost feel the weight of them in my hands. My fingers were moving towards them and then suddenly they weren’t. My whole body was being spun around; my wrist engulfed by the hand of a very large dark skinned man who was looking down at me with eyes the color of whisky. He told me I hadn’t planned on paying for the potatoes. I didn’t even try to defend myself. I just stood there like a small child in front of him hanging my head in shame. He told me I was nothing but skin and bones and then he started walking, still holding onto my wrist. I didn’t protest, I knew I had been caught. I have to admit I was surprised when he took me to what I presume was his home and proceeded to feed me! He said his name was Abel and I think he’s the kindest person I’ve ever met.  He didn’t say much. More importantly he didn’t ask any questions. He gave me bread with butter and honey to start. After he gave me milk to drink and a huge bowl of stew he had been heating. I ate everything. Even long past the point of being full. As I finished eating Abel put a sack down on the table and he sat down. He sat there very still and very quite for a very long time. Finally, he told me that in the sack was some food and money, not much, but that I should be able to get by for a bit. He told me I was free to take it and leave. He then told me to take it if I wanted to keep on living the way I was living. He said, however, if I wanted to change my life and start over now was my chance. He said that he’d let me stay for a bit on the condition that I worked. He said there were plenty of places in town that would pay for an honest days work. He said he had some errands to do and the choice was mine.

God how I wished that could have been true! I would have said yes right then and there. But sitting there in Abel’s kitchen, my belly full because of his kindness, I knew that if I stayed all I’d bring him was death. This was not my new start, this was not my happy ending.  

Lana - Entry 28

It’s been days since the meat pie feast and I’m past the point of being hungry. I almost don’t want to eat now. I know it sounds strange but that’s how I know I’m in trouble. I’m cold all the time, even at night sitting by the fire I’m chilled to the bone. I can’t get warm, I’m exhausted, I know I can’t go on for much longer like this. Soon I’ll be too tried to move and we know what will happen then. I have no choice; I am going to have to try my hand at stealing food again. At this point I have no idea what will become of me. Wish me well.

Lana - Entry 27

I am now a murderer and a thief. I know that it was wrong of me but I was starving. I was walking through yet another small town when I passed in front of a tavern. It smelled so good, you can’t even imagine! I couldn’t stand it, I think it was literally making me insane. Just the smell made my mouth water and my stomach cramp in protest. Tears were in my eyes, not from sadness but from the desire to eat. I was cold and starving. I hadn’t been warm in days. I knew I was dirty, filthy almost, but I wasn’t going anywhere near the cold creek water to wash. The tavern looked so warm I had to go in. I couldn’t stop myself, my feet just kind of lead the way. I was going to go in and beg for food, on my hands and knees if I had to. I remember the sensation of walking into the room; it was so warm that my body instantly relaxed, it was so unexpected I nearly peed myself.

The place was packed, people were moving about everywhere. I clung to the wall and tried to blend in. Then I saw it, a man sitting at a small table all by himself got up and left (I’m assuming it was to go relieve himself based on the large, empty beer glass that had been in front of him). Moments after his departure, the waitress came and dropped off a meat pie where he had been sitting. I couldn’t move or even think, I was mesmerized by the glistening crust and the steam that rose from the slits on top. And then without even thinking I moved toward the table. I grabbed the pie and clutching it to my chest I ran out the door.

I continued to run down the street and out of town. I didn’t stop till I could no longer see or hear the place. By the time I stopped to eat it I was wearing most of the pie but that didn’t matter. I’ve never had food taste so good before. I ate so fast I nearly made myself sick but I didn’t pay any attention to that, it felt so good to be eating.

I don’t know what they would have done to me if they’d caught me and I really can’t think about that right now.

Lana - Entry 26

Now I know there is a god or gods and him/she/they hate me. It’s the only rational argument. No one, and I mean no one can be as unlucky as I am. It’s just not statistically possible, so there must be a higher power that hates me.

I was robbed today, a man took all of my money. No, he didn’t get the coin. I was running away from him and before he caught me I managed to swallow the coin. That’s going to be fun later. Another wonderful gift from the all powerful hating being, I’m sure.

I have little left in the way of food and no money now to buy more. My snares haven’t caught a rabbit in days and I’m living off small pieces of stale bread. I can tell I’m losing weight because of the way my clothes just hang off of me. I know I’m not eating enough to replace the energy I expend from all the walking. But what choice do I have, right?

Lana - Entry 25

I’ve started heading back in the direction of Meraview. I figure that the man Sal told me about was a lie. If he had wanted the coin so badly why had he waited so long to try and take it? I guess I’m a murderer now. I murdered Sal. I guess I have also murdered Madeline but that was a little more indirect. I’m not happy or sad, I just feel numb. I just walk and rest and then walk some more surrounded by a grey mean world. In the few moments where my mind forgets about what has happened I’ll suddenly miss him and everything comes crashing back. I’ve had to stop and I just curl up hugging my knees to my chest. I lay like that for hours before getting up and doing it all over again. 

Lana - Entry 23

I could just let it slip through my fingers and the fast moving stream would carry it away. Hours passed while I held my coin over the water. All I had to do was spread my fingers and it would have just fallen away. My troubles would have been over after that.

Sal and Henrick tried to steal the coin from me while I slept. Apparently, even in my sleep I’ve become accustomed to holding the coin and when my fingers found my pocket empty I woke with a jolt. And there they were trying to sneak off into the night. At first I was so confused. I called for Sal. Henrick turned, laughed at me and he shouted “see you on the other side!” I ran after them and grabbed onto Sal. He turned and shoved me onto the ground with such force I’m surprised I didn’t break anything. I asked him what he was doing and he just held up the coin in front of me and asked if I knew how much something like it was worth.

“But I’ll die without it.” I had never actually said it before and the words felt so heavy on my tongue.  Sal, the man I loved, sanding over me in the moonlight had completely changed. His eyes were sharp and his face distorted with disgust. Then he kicked me hard in the ribs, knocking the wind out of me. I heard him say not to follow him as he walked away.

And there I was, lying on the dirt, barely able to breath from the pain in my ribs and the sobbing as the wind started to pick up. Somehow, I managed to crawl to my knees and then pull myself up to my feet. The wind was starting to tear at the tree branches around me and I could hear the voices screaming. I ran after Sal. I could see the two of them not to far ahead, just walking away. I used the wind to throw my voice in front of them (the way Eve had once taught me), and that made them stop. I continued to run towards them and call to them from all directions. The wind had caught up to them too. The whole earth around us was moving. With all the force I had I slammed into Sal, my fingers were instantly in his clothes searching for the coin as we both fell to the ground.

What happened next happened so fast I almost think I dreamt it. It was like we were in the center of a hurricane, where we were calm but leaves and branches flew around us. He was struggling to get back to his feet as my hand found the coin. He was still half bent over when I laid back down and planted one kick as hard as I could in his stomach. He stumbled back. Again it all happened so fast but it was almost like something reached out and grabbed him, sucking him back into the whirling world. I heard his cries and screams of pain and then the world just went silent. Henrick was gone too, however I don’t know if he ran away or was also taken.

I went to the stream, I’m not sure why but I think I wanted to wash the dirt from my hands. I ended up just holding the coin over the water thinking of how easy it would be to let go.